Does Choosing Elopement Mean You Are Selfish?

NO, not to Us!  But, it might still be to some people, because a large number of people are still very ‘traditional’ when it comes to marriage – or more specifically weddings! This could mean that elopement is still seen as something shameful and selfish by some people. One thing that we hear from couples over and over again is that when they revealed their intentions regarding eloping at least one friend or relative reacted with horror and accused them of being selfish. For some couples this can be enough to make them rethink their elopement plans and they might even end up being pressured into a big traditional wedding that they do not really want and that they cannot really afford! Here at WhereToElope.com we have always been big supporters of elopement and we feel that it is important for couples to realize that despite the opinions of a few people, choosing elopement does not mean that you are a selfish person and we are here to tell you why with our top 3 reasons why choosing elopement does not mean you are selfish!

Top 3 Reasons Why Choosing Elopement Does Not Mean You Are Selfish:

1.  Your Wedding is About Your Marriage Not Everyone Else’s

   Weddings can bring out the worst in families. There is so much expectation coming from both sides of the family about who should be invited, what meal should be served, whether or not there should be an open bar and so on, that the reason for the wedding gets forgotten. Too many families turn weddings into a business networking event or a family reunion or even a chance to show off to their peers that the whole idea of celebrating the couple being in love gets buried. At the end of the day, a wedding is about the couple getting married. In our opinion, the vows and commitment are the important part – not the party that follows. If you are planning to elope so that the focus of the day remains on you and your partner then that is not selfish. It is simply stripping back your wedding to the important basics. In fact, we would go so far as to say that other people are being selfish if they force you to plan a wedding to meet their requirements instead of your own. This is your wedding, so have the day that you want, not the one other people think you should have.

2. An Expensive Wedding Might Impact Your Future

   One of the big reasons that always comes up in our ‘Why You Eloped‘ poll is that couples want to save money. If you cannot afford the average $25,000+ that it costs to have a traditional wedding, then you might end up getting into substantial debt in order to pull it off. That is a huge burden to place on your relationship from the start and it is bound to become a sore point if you were planning to elope and then one of you bowed to family pressure and had the big wedding! Choosing an elopement may even free up the money you need for the down payment to buy your first home together allowing you to start building your family. It might not be the first thing that you think about, but spending a large sum on a traditional wedding could have a big impact on your future! People often assume that elopements don’t last, but that is not the case! In fact we have previously blogged about how the risk of divorce rises in line with how much is spent on a wedding, and let’s not forget the heart warming story of John and Ann Betar – America’s longest married couple! It is not at all selfish to think about your future!

3. Most Of The Objections Are Centered On Your Friend or Family Member Not On You

   Finally, the one thing we always tell couples who come to us upset at having been told they are behaving in selfish manner is that they need to listen to the concerns that their friends or family are raising regarding an elopement. In the majority of cases you will notice that their objections are centered on themselves. Your sister thinks you are being selfish because now she won’t be your maid of honor. Your dad thinks you are selfish because he won’t be walking you down the aisle. Your brother was looking forward to being your best man. Your mother wants to invite her bridge club friends to the reception. These are all common reasons why your family might think you are being selfish. It is all about how it impacts them. They are not concerned that you might regret eloping or that you won’t get a six tiered cake and a carriage ride – it is all about them! One might say they are the ones being selfish! What we will say is that you need to handle this with care. There is a good chance that these people really just care about you and are upset that they cannot be part of the big day. We would not advocate running away in secret and telling everyone after the fact. Instead, you should sit down and talk to your loved ones about your reasons and even although they are upset they might come to understand that it isn’t being done to hurt them! Many couples reach a compromise by having a few immediate family members attend their elopement ceremony or by having a small celebration dinner or informal party afterwards.

Did you encounter anyone who accused you of being selfish when you revealed your elopement plans? Tell us how you handled the situation.