In the past, eloping meant having to keep your intentions of getting married a closely guarded secret. This was largely do to the fact that most couples who opted for an elopement were doing so in order to escape disapproving family members and arrangement marriages. These days this is not so much of a problem, but that does not stop some couples from wanting to keep their wedding a secret! We wanted to address some of the common questions we get asked about secret weddings!
Why Keep Your Wedding Secret?
For many couples getting married is something that they want to shout about and thus they cannot wait to tell all of their friends and family. However for others, they would prefer to just keep the details of their relationship as something intimate between the two of them. This results in some couples keeping their wedding a secret. This leaves ‘outsiders’ asking why? After chatting to a few couples who went down the secret road we were able to determine that there are 3 main reasons why people keep their wedding – or at least their wedding plans – secret.
- To avoid the drama and the pressure – Everyone has an opinion when it comes to how to plan a wedding. Many couples choose to elope in order to avoid these opinions and some even keep the elopement a secret until the big day! This means that there is no chance for relatives to try and convince you to do things the traditional way instead!
- For the romance element of it all – Lots of couple have a secret elopement because for them it makes their wedding a little bit more intimate and romantic. One couple recently told us that they felt like their wedding should be the one time that they could be selfish and share something special only with each other.
- For legal or financial reasons – Some couples feel that they need to get married for legal reasons even though they are happy remaining in a long term relationship without making things official. For example, a couple may get married when one partner is diagnosed with a terminal illness to ensure that the surviving partner is entitled to financial support only offered to a spouse. These couples may not particularly agree with the concept of marriage, but require a legal marriage in which case it makes sense to keep it between themselves.
How Long Should You Keep Your Elopement Secret?
There is no easy way to answer this question! It’s all a matter of personal preference. There are some couples who actually keep their marriage completely secret for their entire lives. There may be reasons behind this choice or it may be a simple case of finding the idea of a secret marriage a secret. However, most couples only keep their marriage a secret up until they go ahead and tie the knot.
One of the key considerations when deciding how long to keep your wedding secret is how your family is going to feel. When you elope without telling them they are bound to be a little upset. However, if you do not tell them you have done so until several years later, then it is going to be even harder for them to understand. It is important to think carefully about your reasons for keeping your nuptials under wraps.
Is Having A Secret Wedding Even Legal?
Given that there are certain legal requirements in some states and countries that require couples to declare their intention to marry in advance, some people wonder if a secret marriage is even legal! The answer is yes! While you do need to inform the local authorities as per local marriage laws in order to obtain your marriage license, there is no requirement for you to announce your wedding to anyone else!
However, there will be a public record of the marriage, so in theory if anyone was suspicious, they could look it up and blow your secret! This is only really a problem if the couple are intending to keep their entire marriage a secret instead of just their plans. The only exceptions to this are in Michigan and California.
In Michigan, there has been a little known law in place since 1897 which allows couples to request a secret marriage when they apply for a license. This means that when you get married the officiant returns your certificate to you and the clerk will not record it. Aside from your copy, the only proof of your marriage would be sealed in the judge’s files.
The laws surrounding secret marriages in California are slightly different. The couple must already be cohabiting as husband and wife, but can apply for a confidential license to get married. This is exactly the same as any other marriage apart from the fact that it will not be on public record. This law has been in effect since 1878, when only pastors could offer this type of marriage, but in the 1970’s this right was extended outwith the clergy.